My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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