I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
