so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
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I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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