Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
