so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
