I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
