In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
