Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
