you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
