you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
