Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
