its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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