I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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