Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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