I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
sarcasm needs its own font
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
