She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
