where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
