I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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