trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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