so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
