My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
