When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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