after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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