She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
