i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
