Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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