please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
