She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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