Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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