Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
