He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
