this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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