Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
