Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
