she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
