Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
