And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
