I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
