His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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