"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
