Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The best revenge is premature balding
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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