Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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