he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
