either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
