Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
