You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
