I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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