tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
