Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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