I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
