I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
