She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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