Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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