Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I party with great urgency now.
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