I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
