Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
