Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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