there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
