I think I won the penis lottery.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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