I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
