my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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