you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
