All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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