you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
