its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
