Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
