your parents love me but you hate me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
