Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
