the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just forgot I was standing up.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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