I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
