just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
