I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
