My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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