And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
