You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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