You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
