The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
