I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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