Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
