she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
