Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
