dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
